I've had a very interesting life so far. It's been very exciting. It's only been 16 years since I arrived on this planet, but I've learned a lot. I was born as a pastor's kid and grew up in the church. I know the ins and outs of a lot of churches and can say the books of the Bible faster than most people can name the first 5 books of the Bible. Our family has also had many different children from many different backgrounds running in and out of our house since we do foster care. I've been to almost every state in the U.S. (43, I think). I went to a Christian school, public school, and am currently being home schooled. It seems like no matter where I go, someone knows me and my family. It's crazy how many times I'll go somewhere and people will come up to me and say things like, "Oh, you're Pastor Ruthie's daughter, aren't you? That must be so much fun!" or "Isn't your dad the bus driver? I love him!" or "I know your uncle, he was the JBQ guy!"
There's so many faces and they all seem to know my life story, yet I've never seen them before. I guess one of the annoying things about being a PK (Pastor's Kid) is that everyone thinks they know everything about you. In reality, however, no one really knows anything about me. They know my family story but they don't know my story. Yet, it's hard to get people to listen. And who can you trust to tell your story to? It's not like you can go up to someone in the church and explain the pain and hurt the church has given you.
It's even worse if you've got your own personal problems. Testimony time is very hard for me. Everyone gets up and tells people how they used to drink, party, and have sex all the time and then Jesus saved them. It's great testimony, it really is. But if I were to get up in front of people and tell them how I used to be suicidal and addicted to porn and then only a couple years ago did I really decide to follow Jesus, the church would probably go crazy. There's so many expectations that are thrust upon you as a PK. People expect you to be a perfect role model that never goes through anything drastic. No one would molest a PK; no PK has depression; no PK knows what it's like to see their parents go through a divorce; no PK gets drunk; no PK gets a girl pregnant while still in high school. It's like we're not allowed to live life because if we did, it must mean that everything in our family is wrong, or we're not really saved, or our parents weren't actually called into ministry and we're making everything up. What I'd like to get through to people is that just because a PK sins, that doesn't mean that their parents were mistaken about their livelihood. PKs (and pastors too) are just normal people who make mistakes. Pastors' kids are just kids. Most people wouldn't expect their children to be a perfect role model for the rest of the kids in their community, yet they seem to think that because our parents stand behind a pulpit on Sunday mornings, God gave us some special "perfect kid" powers. Which is totally false.
I have to admit that I've always hated that part at camp where we all gather in our cabins and talk about what God did in our lives that night. Everyone's always scared to say what happened, but they don't have the same fears of what might happen if they tell someone. I mean if you're a PK and you've been sneaking around getting drunk and hooking up with anyone and everyone, you can't really tell anyone at all. At camp, kids feel more comfortable telling their counselors because they're usually someone that doesn't live near them and doesn't know their parents. But if you're a PK, everyone knows your parents. So you don't want to tell anyone what you're going through because you just know that somehow it's going to get back to your parents. Even worse, if you tell someone from your church what you do, they might tell other people in the church and then horrible rumors get started which will definitely get back to your parents. Unfortunately when this happens, people are trying to hurt your parents' reputations. For some reason, they think that if the pastor's kid is acting up it means they aren't a good pastor. This is completely unfair no matter how you look at it. It's like saying that since a rock star's kid isn't a good singer, then he probably isn't a good rock star. Believe it or not, some kids just don't want to do what their parents tell them to do.
It would just be nice to know who I can talk to. A lot of people go to their pastor for help, but some times I would like some feedback other than my parents. It's just very hard to know who it is that I should talk to. I'd just like someone to talk to me without them viewing me as a PK. I want them to see me as a normal person who has needs. I want them to see that I bleed red blood, not old church history books (although, I wouldn't be surprised if I did). I know that's a hard thing for people to do, but it would be nice if people tried more often.
I'm sorry if I sound rude or inconsiderate. I really love being a PK and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I just want people to know the truth-that PKs need love too.
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